Wow…Here we are; the final classes of our semester, the final weeks of utter anxiety. We survived…almost.
I would have to say, “Elliot Spencer” has been my absolute favorite story we’ve examined thus far. I love Saunders for his ability to transform language through unconventional syntax and structure. The discussions that arose, surrounding the importance of language were incredibly interesting both the read and to write. It was the perfect way to end our adventures with literature.
As for finals, I enjoy the lack of busywork, yet struggle to develop concrete plans and strategies for working through our comprehensive assignments. I’ve done my best to layout the next two weeks, attempting to fit research papers and biology exams between work and sleep. Sleep is growing fainter and less effective at combatting exhaustion, but it remains vital nonetheless.
I’ll keep this brief for I fear I am losing my ability to communicate properly at this level of cognitive function.
‘Tis the finals season. I wish you all the absolute best of luck! I have seen wonderful work from my peers this semester, I have no doubt you will all continue to do great things. I must remind myself (and I recommend you all do the same) that at the end of the day, all I can do is try my best. The rest remains out of my control so what’s the use in stressing over it. Though, I could use another puppy photo right about now…
Update: (12/04) I just saw an article on Singapore’s approval of “lab-grown chicken meat,” becoming the first country to do so. Sounds uncomfortably familiar to Oryx and Crake’s “ChickieNobs” and I’m frankly worried for our imminent doom.
A little late on this entry I’m afraid. I tried my best to avoid schoolwork last Wednesday and Thursday (my first days off in months), yet still managed to spend most of my time studying. Oh well, I still had a very pleasant dinner with my sister. And there were lots of mashed potatoes so I’m not complaining.
I spent over an hour last night reading and rereading my genre project, hesitating over the submit button. However, I worked to the best of my abilities on it and I am proud of what I accomplished so I suppose that is all I can do. I clicked submit and walked away. Now I suffer the uncomfortable weeks that follow, waiting for our final grades.
I haven’t decided yet whether I am excited or terrified of our final research paper..? I think a little of both. I’m excited to examine a question I have not considered before, yet I am also terrified by the extent of this project. I appreciate how much time we have been given to work on it, though I’m sure it will race by and I will spend the entire time stressing over the looming deadline.
I just keep telling myself, “Only one more month. You can do it. You will survive…” And I know I will survive, but maybe what I look forward to the least is having to say goodbye to this wonderful class. I’d rather not think about that now, though. Best to avoid discomfort…right? Pretty sure that’s what they teach you. Probably.
Currently Reading: Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood
Well, we’ve reached the 12 entry requirement threshold, but don’t worry (my zero readers), I love writing these little rants so I plan on continuing through the end of the semester.
How are we already nearing the end of this unprecedented semester? Today I said goodbye to my biology lab TA over our last meeting and the act of goodbye felt unusually empty. I love developing academic bonds with my peers and teachers, yet this semester has made that ever so difficult. These are people I have worked and communicated with for the past 13 weeks, yet we near the end, and I feel like I barely know (the majority of) them any more than when I started. At the same time, however (particularly in this course) I have learned just a little bit more about each of my classmate’s minds and their opinions on mental health, literature, and society. This course has provided me with a fascinating outlook on life and literature and it is something I will be eternally grateful for.
But let’s save the sappiness for goodbye. We still have work to do ladies and gentlemen. This week and last I began working on my animation and poem for our genre project. I was reminded of the unfortunate reality that I am not good at animations. They are extremely tedious and even with my mediocre patience, I find myself getting overwhelmed by the continuous tweaks of individual frames. Yet, as somewhat of an optimist, I put my best foot forward and try to enjoy myself! This project has been a wonderful challenge and I’m looking forward to continuing my work on it!
Currently (re)reading: “We have always lived in the Castle” by Shirley Jackson.
My brain is tired.
My eyes burn from the incessant dizzy blue and red glare.
Yet still we wait.
This week was personally pleasant aside from the stressors of life and politics. My mom came to visit for a few days from Florida, my workload was below average, and I’m still alive, which is always a plus.
I live in this strange reversed reality where I never look forward to my weekends. I work each Fri-Sun and have class each Mon-Thu. I enjoy my classes, even when they make me rip out my hair (*cough* biology *cough*) but I dread my weekend hours behind the register. I’ve spent the past two years of my life in this mundane field. Scanning and small talk, produce and price checks. I’m sick of it, but still, I must. “It’s just a job,” as they all say, but I really wish it were Monday already.
I absolutely fell in love with the structure of this week’s piece. Machado’s “Choose your own adventure” style placed readers directly behind the wheel. Each moment of “free will” ultimately led you towards the unavoidable trauma and unattainable escape of an abusive relationship. I was left, in shock, feeling such a lack of control, fear, anger, regret, and discomfort. Machado managed to create a piece that uses each element of language to her exact advantage. I am incredibly interested in reading more of this novel.
Currently Reading: Desperate Characters by Paula Fox. Also, I highly recommend my last book, The Secret History. It was wonderful.
Just Wednesday, I watched a video on the concept of the “rogue academic.” It proposes a mindset shift for students of the broken educational system. Without having a name to the ideal, I’ve always tried to emulate this mentality. It puts the emphasis of education on understanding, learning, and development, rather than the “checked boxes” of GPAs, tests, and degrees. He proposes this mindset should be applied in all aspects of life and academics. For example, if one were to receive a poor grade on a test, then this would not define your academic level, it only would allow you to understand your opportunities for improvement and where you should dedicate more time to acquiring further knowledge. The overall picture is this: always be in pursuit of learning.
I love this idea. My friend always says to me, “Violet, you were designed for school. You just love to learn. I don’t get it?!” And she’s right in some sense, I do love to learn. But, the education system in this country is not designed to promote learners. It is designed to promote test-takers and high-rankers. Now, I’m only talking in general terms here; there is still a world of classes (like this one), teachers, and students who don’t force these standardized values. They too promote learning simply to learn. But, it is within our overall system that I see the most flaws, and that’s what infuriates me.
As I study within this system, I have no choice but to value my grades and my mere numerical status. The GPA that I receive now, will be reviewed by a committee to determine my acceptance into medical schools four years down the road. That thought terrifies me, but it is simply the truth. And so, I work hard, I try my best to get good grades, and in most cases, I succeed, but through it all, I try to learn. Because that is all I can do.
So why am I ranting about this now? Well, empty void that is my laptop screen, I got a, let’s say, not so good grade this week. And while I just rattled on and on about why you shouldn’t put too much pressure on your grades, I’ll admit, it wasn’t the most pleasant feeling. To be fair, 80% of my entire lab did just as terribly. It was a difficult and confusing assignment and I blame whoever’s great idea it was to have a biology lab virtually. But that’s aside from the point. I have an unpleasant history of putting too much pressure on myself to succeed academically, but I’m working on it. My parents love when I do badly on an assignment; they say it’s “good for me,” and I guess in a sense, it is. So, I will take this bad grade (submit the rewrite because why not), and move on with my life. It is just an “opportunity for improvement.”
Well… 500 hundred words later and I have still neglected to mention how this week went is psychopathology. It was fun. End of story.
Just kidding! I was very intrigued by this week’s reading and I would love to read more of Sacks’ works. As I said in my discussion post, he “is a medical man and an artist.” As I am fond of both medicine and art, his writing style stuck out to me. I loved exploring his use of fictional literary tools in a non-fiction setting, and I was inspired, should I become a physician, to one day do the same. I’ll have to emphasize the second “O” in Doolittle, though. I don’t need the world anticipating some new adaptation of Hugh Lofting’s Doctor Dolittle.
Well, empty void that is my laptop screen, it was nice chatting with you. And for anyone who’s having a rough week, here’s a picture of a puppy. Enjoy!
Oh wait, no. I meant busy bee. I’m a busy bee. Busy indeed…
I can’t recall the last time I had a day without anything on my plate and I don’t expect a day like that anytime soon. Maybe by Thanksgiving, but I plan on having a very full plate on that day.
This week of psychopathology stretched outside the fictional world momentarily to delve into the realm of research. I don’t normally enjoy research. In my science courses, it typically means trying to comprehend titles like, “Organophosphate and pyrethroid hydrolase activities of mutant Esterases from the cotton bollworm Helicoverpa armiger,” or something equally complex. Yet, I was far more engaged in this week’s articles. I love learning about even just a fraction of our brain’s complexity and overwhelming capacity. It’s most literally mind-boggling that our brain has somehow created a system that cannot fully comprehend itself. For my research, I looked into the psychological phenomena of “repression” and “age regression.” Turns out, these are very controversial and questionable conditions, so we will see how writing this character profile goes.
I believe this is a very busy time in everyone’s semester and while I have a lot to do this weekend, on top of my job, I think I’m okay. I just have to wake up each day, do what needs to be done, then get some sleep. Sleep being the most vital in that equation. I wish you all the best of luck and don’t forget to sleep.
Currently Reading: Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese and the graphic novel Daytripper by Gabriel Báand Fábio Moon
Sometimes when life feels hectic it’s nice just to sit down in the coziest corner of your room and read.
This week was hectic and yet, my stress has only begun: I had my first college exam today, with my second one only days away. On top of that, I will be working 27 hours at my new job this weekend. These hours are merely for training purposes and should shrink considerably by next week, yet for now, it means a few rain rides worth of studying biology.
And so, in all the chaos, I read.
Along with my own personal ventures, I read “The Swimmer” by John Cheever for psychopathology. As I “dove” into the day of Neddy Merrill, I’ll admit I was quite confused at first. I remember thinking, “who on earth would commit to such an adventure?” Yet this confusion only drew me in more. I loved finding the hidden meaning behind each line and I especially found it interesting to see how my peers viewed the protagonist’s character traits. I was intrigued by both the contrasting perspectives and the similarities to my own take on the story.
Writing this now, I see the irony in my judgments on Neddy’s defense mechanisms. Just as Neddy used swimming as his escape from reality, I use reading as mine. Isn’t it funny how humans crave this distraction, this momentary bliss..?
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